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ARMY Review: How RM's "Come Back To Me" showed me so many things | #AGU_Communication

All of us have been there. You know... when we desperately want to be "better," scared of the thought that nothing we do is relevant or right. Namjoon showed, no, BARED, his soul in this video.



It starts off dark, Joon in a sort of daze, pushing off a ciggie offered repeatedly by some guy to his right while a couple smooches to his left. Disgruntled, dismal, maybe a bit angry.


"I told you I'm fine tonight. Staying good." Da#m, dude, lay off me. I am dissatisfied with my life right now. "I forgot the hour. I don't wanna know about the hour." Don't f=cking bother me, I don't feel fine, something's not right and I'm pissed.


He is anxious and scared because he wants to be a dad, a husband, and a father. He is looking at his dream family in his near future... and he hesitates. His daughter runs to him and takes him by the hand to the mirror where he stares at himself. He looks at his reflection, not satisfied, he turns away. Something is missing, he isn't right for this role. "Even washing my face feels like a waste of time." He thinks, am I worthy of this?


But, "You don't have to be anything you see... trying not to be that something in this sea." We all see our ideals in other people, and most of the time we feel we fall short of our goals. He is just one of the fish in the sea. He knows we don't have to be 100% the ideal, but he also wants to be special, not just any other fish. Not just any other man. He wants to be the best husband and father he can be. Why can't we be what we want? This is his ideal future.


Right now? He feels like this horrid person. Like, "If I ever have a girlfriend, a fiance, a wife, and this is my career, gosh, we will always be at each other's throats. The long hours, working with other artists, other men and women. She will be mad, scream at me, throw clothes at me. I will try to explain it, honey, it's just work, I will try to come home earlier, take you with me when I go abroad for projects... I'm sorry. Don't call her, we are just working on a project, please believe me...."


He escapes because he can't appease her, and he can't find it in himself to help her understand that she is his priority. Yes, girls want him, will grab him and pull him into random rooms... but he isn't like that at all, why can't she understand.... "I must be doing something wrong, and it's still my fault..."


"My parents... they wanted me to be the perfect son. I tried to be, but sometimes I disappoint them. Whenever I do, I just feel smaller, crushed, disappointed in myself." Everyone has expectations of him, and when he can't fulfill these expectations, he falls deeper into introspection and self-blame.


Hiding behind a big leaf of a potted plant, he sees a woman looking for something. Before he shows himself, she runs off and disappears. Could she also be running around, lost in the corridors and in the rooms of her own mind, her own experiences, her prejudices and disappointments? Could she be just like me, he thinks? Can I trust her? Should she trust me?


When he looks from the window he finds himself looking at himself. It's as if he has finally acknowledged his turbulent existence and has made peace with it. It's funny. When you finally know and accept that life has different rooms in your mind; and you can look back at the disappointments of the past with an understanding that surpasses all the hurt, you become at peace. When you understand that the present hurts still, you know it still is a part of life, and the future that seems scary and bleak can be changed, can be dealt with in a broader sense, and you are at peace. You cannot be scared anymore if you know and understand your past; you can make your present and your future different.


Differences can be talked about, and you can reconcile with the people you love. You can be the perfect person in the future, because you know that perfect comes with flaws.


"Spring always been here."

Spring is within us.


"I will sleep in her eyes."

We can be at peace knowing that the future isn't hopeless at all.


Especially when this woman who was looking for something, was also looking for the same thing you thought you had lost.


Yourself

The woman is ARMY. We share the same insecurities, the same shame, the same frightening thoughts about life and the future. Namjoon knows we can talk about it. With us.


We call him into the light, this perfect little garden in the sun, and we can both enter that doorway into life and its little intricacies together. He couldn't open the door before because he was so deep into the darkness. But together, we are companions in life and wherever it will lead us. Different rooms, different situations, different lifelines.


The decor on the door is like a traffic light. He's been staring at it for so long. But it took him a while to understand the meaning of it. He had to confront and acknowledge his fears before he finally understood what the signs meant.


Stop, think, process your emotions, deal with your anger, and face your disappointments. Acknowledge the things we might not be able to change and understand your past.

Wait and rest when you need to. Step back when life is overwhelming. It isn't a weakness to hesitate when you are not sure of your answers. Wait for enlightenment.


Then go. Go forward, when you are ready, into the light, into life.


Come Back to Me

My literal translation for this is "Manumbalik", or to return. Return to ourselves. Because we need the silence of our thoughts. We need to understand some things, we need to let go of others. We can't blame ourselves all the time, and yet, we are also never entirely without blame. And that is okay.


"You are my pain..."

WE are our pain.

"Divine, divine..."

But LIFE is divine, life is living. Despite our day-to-day difficulties, we should remember that life is still good. Life gives us second chances. It is scary, it is vibrant, it is bright.


Manumbalik tayo sa sarili natin. Look into ourselves and urge our consciousness to return to us, to remind us that we are here, and we can make a difference in our futures.


No matter how bleak our beginnings, we always want to be the best versions of ourselves. Namjoon wants to be. And he wants us on this journey with him. He might be the first to step forward and open the door, but he is taking us with him.


PS. The mandarin on his pillow in the crib. Yoongi has been with him during their younger, vulnerable, self-flagellation, years. Very different people.... but they feel the same things.


PPS. If you have reached up to this point, many thanks for walking with my thoughts.


EDITOR'S NOTE: This post originally appeared in the Titas of BTS Facebook Group.

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